In today’s culture the proliferation of unfaithfulness by a spouse is an all too common occurrence. All affairs violate the sacred trust of marriage and involve unfaithfulness. Affairs fall into two major categories: those that involve physical contact and those that involve emotional intimacy. Physical affairs consist of varying degrees of physical and sexual contact between a married person and someone other than their spouse. Emotional affairs also violate the exclusivity of the relational bond of marriage. When married people invest time, money, conversation and emotional energy that should be reserved for their mates, they are guilty of breaking the union with their spouses that God intended.
Tim Jackson believes that affairs are primarily matters of the heart. While external factors do tempt, entice and entrap a person, in the end it is the heart that determines the path one chooses. There are many factors that fuel an affair; a craving for romance, yearning for connection, giving up hope of romance in a marriage and giving into sexual lust outside of the bonds of marriage.
From a Christian perspective, people who get involved in affairs are deceived by their sinful, foolish hearts and refuse to remember God. It is impossible to enjoy an affair and remain in close fellowship with God.
For marriages where an affair has taken place there is hope for reconciliation after the breech of trust. First the unfaithful spouse must give up the affair by cutting off all contact and communication with the third party. Second, individual and marital counseling is suggested to identify and express the reasons for the affair and to expose the issues needing to be addressed in order to pave the way for reconciliation. For the offending spouse it may be important for them to move out of the home (if requested by the injured spouse) while, if necessary, still maintaing the financial provisions for the family. This move should in no way allow for reconnection to the affair partner, but rather provide for a buffer zone for the wounded spouse to begin to heal. Be patient with the slowness of forgiveness from the offended spouse. Do whatever it takes to help the wounded spouse to begin to trust again. Be accountable to several trusted individuals and couples who know the whole story and who have access to both partners. Refuse to request church leaders or others to help pressure the faithful spouse for quick forgiveness and restoration.
The decision to divorce or reconcile is given exclusively to the wounded spouse. The best defense against an affair is to guard our own heart. For counseling help with a troubled marriage in the Phoenix area please contact Mike DeMoss at: http://familycccp.org
Mike DeMoss 